Blessed!

Dear Friends,

If you know me, you know that I love to write. You know that I pour my heart out randomly and you know that I love to speak with all of my emotions. Well, this is to you. You know who you are. You know exactly who I am. You know exactly what you're dealing with when it comes to me. So from the bottom of my heart, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for EVERYTHING. Thank you for all you have done for me. Thank you for allowing me to be me.. and for never allowing me to be something or somebody that I'm not. Thank you for all your love and support throughout the years. Thank you for loving me as I truly am. Thank you for the little things such as holding my hand when I'm scared, for holding me or lending me your shoulder when I cry, and thank you all for having a servant's heart and sacrificing a lot of things for me. You have no idea how much it means to me that you're in my life. I usually have the hardest time trusting people, but I don't have that problem with you guys. I am able to trust you with my entire life and not have to worry about being messed with, screwed over, or stabbed in the back. After all that has happened in my life, it's nice to know y'all have my back. :)

On that note, I just want you to know that I mean it when I say I love you. Some of you I haven't known for very long at all but some of you I have known forever and I just want you to know that I love you so much and don't know what I'd do without you. I don't know that I have ever had more love than I do right now for all of you. I am truly blessed by God to know what love is--when it is received and being able to reciprocate! Besides God, you guys are the people who keep me going on a daily basis. You're the ones that keep me smiling until my face hurts and the ones that keep me laughing so hard that I cry, pee my pants, or snort. You're the people I don't have to be embarrassed around and I can show my entirely crazy self to and you will still love me, regardless of the insanity you may feel I have at that particular moment. I have really met some rare gems when I met all of you and so again, I wanted to thank you for all you've done. I know that you'll continue to do more, but I just wanted to stop for a minute to thank you for what you have done for me. You guys have been the most influential people in my life. You have helped me become the true Megan Isabel Skidmore. You've helped me become the person I want to become, the person that God would want me to be. Not the person I want to be for myself. I know I'll make mistakes along the way, but I know that you'll be there to help me get back up if I happen to fall.

That's the most amazing feeling in the world... support. An extra back bone when mine seems to fail. A Heavenly Father who heals it and the friends that surround me to help keep it strong. I have never felt more blessed! I love you all so much... Tears well up in my eyes every time I think about y'all... I've never met more selfless people and you have been an incredible example to me. Even if we don't stay super close for the rest of our adult lives, just know that you guys will always have a special place in my heart. You guys will own the names, "Aunt" and "Uncle" to any children I may bear. You really do mean that much to me... and I can't wait to see where life unfolds and where each of you land when it does! Love you :)

It's Okay

Writing has always been a passion of mine. My favorite format on which to write is my blog. I love that I can speak my mind and I don't have to have it graded on by a teacher and don't have to be ashamed of people reading this. It can just be me, my heart, my head, and my fingers working together to create something. There's something about sharing what's on my mind that makes me feel better about things.

What's on my mind tonight at 12:36 a.m. is the fact that I no longer have a set plan in my life. I had planned to marry my high school sweetheart, be in college working towards a degree in the medical field (still the plan), maybe setting up to have a few kids, and buy a house. Well, that plan backfired (mostly). I'm still in school and living on my own (in an apartment.. no house), but I'm single as a pringle, as some kids would say. If I'm being honest, I'm actually okay with that. I haven't been single in about 3 years so it's refreshing to have this time with God to just figure out who I am, alone. (Who am I kidding? It's refreshing for about 2 seconds and then I find myself crushing on the next guy I meet.)

Although, something else I hadn't really planned is the fact that I just picked up and moved to a new town where I know basically no one (I know only 2 handfuls of people), to a church that I'm only slightly familiar with, and to a place where there might not be job security... and all with a friend who has been in my life for 8 years now. But that's okay. It's what I decided to do. I'm happy with the decision and I feel like it's right for me right now. 

I'm okay with not knowing what's going to happen to me. I kinda have this adrenaline rush when I think about it. My love life is somewhere near non-existent, my self esteem has hit rock bottom, my school life is stressful and exhausting, and I'm exhausted (could be the coffee, could be my late night worrying, who knows). I didn't really want to see my life hit this spot. But it did. And it's okay. I'm okay. I'm still surviving, still hanging on by a thread. I may not have a man (and I may be scaring them away), may not make the smartest decisions (moving without talking to anyone first), may be stressed out for about 95% of my life and losing sleep because of it, but I'm still going. 

That's my plan. To "just keep swimming". To move forward with my life. Not have high expectations, not to try to make something out of nothing, not to force anything to happen, not to WORRY. Worrying may give me something to do but it gets me absolutely nowhere. I have neither the time nor the energy to even care anymore about making things in my life happen. God always ends up opening my eyes about trying to do things my own way, anyhow. This post is to save myself the trouble and remind myself that HE holds my future in HIS hands. God has everything under control. Whether or not I want to believe that truth. It's the absolute truth. I know that anyone reading this will be in my face screaming, "Uh, duh! I've been trying to tell you this for a long time!" 

My hope for this next upcoming year is that I make it a year of no regrets. I want to go on adventures, get out of my comfort zone, explore new places, eat foods I'd once cringed at trying, meet new people even though that scares the daylights out of me, and much more. I don't want to make plans. I just want things to happen and let life takes its course. Like the element of surprise. I don't want to set the bar too high and end up disappointed. I want to just allow God to take me wherever He chooses and I want to be okay with it. Because in the end, I know I'm going to be okay. Just like I am now.

My greatest problem in life is solved.

I know what it's like to feel alone. I know what it's like to be broke and desperate. I know what it's like not to feel good in your own skin. I know what it's like to feel like there is no one who understands. I know what it's like to cry for a week straight. I know what it's like to put on a fake smile so no one asks you how you are. I know that feeling where you feel like your life is falling apart. I know that feeling where you feel like your friendships and relationships are disintegrating. I know that feeling where you feel like everything is going wrong in your life and nothing and no one could even fix that. But that is okay. Because I also know that feeling of pure joy. The feeling that even though things are in a rough spot, everything will be okay.

I can't help but feel it lately. I have been praying for the Lord to give me peace in my life. I have been praying for the Lord to change my heart. I have been praying that the Lord will help me cling to Him when I am in a lowly and painful state. I pray for the Lord to help me be a Christian example. I pray for Him to lead me into righteousness. I pray for the Lord to heal me of my insecurities and find SECURITY and HOPE in Him. I have prayed for the Lord to help me flee from temptations and deliver me from evil. I pray that even for a minute I will pause and thank Him for all the wonderful things He has done for me! He has given me a place to live, clothes to wear on my back, food to eat, money to use as a resource for all those things, and He has given me family and friends to help look after me, and help me get through this tough life so I don't have to do it alone!

I have prayed this prayer for so long that I finally and truly feel that way. I feel secure in knowing that the Lord holds my future. The Lord has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and He has showed me that I should not worry about anything (Luke 12:22-34). The Lord has written the story of my life. Day by day, he turns the page to a new day, a new beginning... That His love never ceases, his mercies never come to an end and are new every morning, and that His faithfulness is great (Lamentations 3:22-23). He knew from before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4) what my life would look like, who would be in it, and what I would do every single day that I am living and breathing. He knows me inside and out and still chooses to love and forgive me... No matter what I have done, "as far as the east is from the west... He has moved my transgressions from me" (Psalm 103:12). He chose to leave my sins at the feet of the cross. He doesn't hold them against me. He does not make me feel guilty for my wrongdoing, because He "keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13). This feeling has never given me a greater joy. My greatest problem in life is solved. The Lord has taken care of everything.... I no longer need to worry!

Couldn't help but just share how the Lord has helped me find joy! Praise Jesus!

XOXO

Psalm 100:1

In my own personal T.A.W.G (Time Alone With God) I came across Psalm 100. I absolutely LOVE the psalms. This specific psalm is of giving thanks; and the chapter begins with; "His steadfast love endures forever". The first verse reads,

"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, in all the earth."

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, for some people it's not. It's hard for some people to understand that if you don't have a great singing voice that you can't sing at all. You can.

God created you and made you. If He didn't create you with a singing voice like Mariah Carey or Frank Sinatra, who cares? God doesn't want us singing for the approval of man, anyway. He wants us to sing praises to HIM. He's the only one that matters when it comes to our God-given gifts. Don't do it for anyone but Him. He doesn't care if you sing off key or you're tone deaf or you sound like a dying cat. He cares whether or not you are glorifying Him. That's all that matters in the end.

To this day, I still shudder when I think about the time I screwed up a solo on Christmas Eve 4 years ago. But you know what? I still did it, even when I cracked on the high note. A lot of people in the church barely noticed it and they commented me afterward on how beautiful it was. At the end of the day, I am always going to be my worst critic. What they saw was the beauty of Christ when I sang it and that's enough for me.

Making a joyful noise gives me a whole new outlook on my life. God gave me a singing voice, something that a lot of people don't have. I am blessed beyond measure to be able to use it for his glory and to sing praises to Jesus on and off the stage at church. I love to sing with our small group up front but I also love singing to Jesus in the pews. I don't care where I am, but I love to sing and I am so happy that God has given me this precious gift! Forever thankful!

Romans 12:1-2 Study

Romans 12:1-2; "Therefore, I urge you brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what the will of God is, which is good, acceptable, and perfect." 

In 2007, my pastor preached a sermon series called, "City on a Hill". The scripture reference was Romans 12. He had the entire church memorizing the passage of scripture. I was only about 10 at the time. My parents sat down with my sister and I and we memorized a lot of it. After 8 years, I can only remember bits and pieces by heart, but the first 2 verses have been stuck in my brain all these years. Today, I decided to listen to this series over again starting with the first sermon. I have notes to prove that I am taking in all that was said! Here are some of the notes I gathered from this sermon:

"We have grown in number, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God." --Abraham Lincoln 

We use our minds as if Christ doesn't exist in any part of our being.

YOU get to decide how you spend your 24 hours in the day. So don't make excuses about all the stuff you have to do in a day when you're not spending any of it with God. Make time for your Heavenly Father.

"Therefore"-- Chapters 12 through 16 orchestrate the practical section of Romans that contains application/teaching. It is applying what was learned in chapters 1-11 in Romans. 

How does our life show we are a Christian? What is the consequence in my life? How should you live based on what you have learned about God?

Ezekiel 33:10--"How should we then live?"

Wisdom of God begins with a fear of God. 

WE ARE FREE FROM THE BONDAGE OF SIN. God sent His only son to DIE on the cross for OUR sins. 

Paradox, not contradiction: 
God is of 1 essence, 3 persons. 
We must die in order to live.

You can NOT remain the god of your own life. We belong to Christ!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20; "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies." 

1 Peter 1:18-19; "For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect."

We were bound to slavery and we were REDEEMED.

We do not think enough of these things!!!

1. Exercise your mind. Analyze. You are not an animal. Use your head.

2. God provides mercies everyday. 

Lamentations 3:22-24; The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion", says my soul, "therefore, I will hope in Him." 

3. Sacrifice should not conjure up denial, discipline, resolutions, which may make us depressed. It should conjure up LIFE.

4. God redeemed you out of the marketplace of the world!

"Do Not Be Anxious"

Recently, I have been fighting quite a few battles all at once. At the time I didn't really know what was going on or why they were happening to me, until I had this epiphany that completely startled me. God was trying to tell me something. He didn't speak to me in a dream and He didn't do it in any way that was obvious, until now. 

What He was trying to relay to me was, "Do not be anxious". That is the section in Matthew 6 that has haunted me my whole entire Christian life. I once had a friend that heard me complaining about the way my life would turn out and I wasn't sure what I was going to do, going to eat, going to say, etc. So she said, "I'll be right back," and she came back holding a Bible in her hand and it was flipped to Matthew 6:25-34. She asked me to read it and then come back to her. So I read it and this is what I began to read:

Matthew 6:25-34, "Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you,  O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious saying, ' What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your hevenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and all his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." 

When I read that entire section of Scripture, I was dumbfounded. I told my friend that I was very thankful she shared that passage with me because reading it gave me a whole new meaning for worrying and being anxious about things. I have always known God would take care of me. I have always known that I should never take my own plans into consideration, because God is the author of my life's story. God has every hair counted and every plan for His children mapped out from BEFORE the foundation of the world. Before ANYONE was around, He knew exactly what would be going on in my life at this time.

Luke 12:7, "Why even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."

Ephesians 1:4, "even as he chose us IN Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him."

He knew me then, He knows me now, and He will know me in the future. I never will, but I know that He has everything mapped out. It's easier said than done, but this is exactly the kind of thing I needed so I know what to pray about! Another great verse in the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11. It has been my life verse since 2011. It gave me a perspective on things.

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  

Lord, Thank you so much for allowing your Word to be forever engraved in my heart and my mind and my soul. Thank you for giving me the strength to carry on with the plans you have mapped out for me. Thank you for allowing the words to flow from Your Word on to the pages of this blog. Thank you for your goodness to me. Let my words speak of honor and poise and grace to you, Heavenly Father.

City On A Hill

One of the many convictions I have felt in my Christian walk is being the light in the dark world. I have failed at the countless times I have had to be the LIGHT of Christ. Tonight in my devotions, I was reading the New Testament and I came upon this topic that I wanted to share my thoughts on. Here is what it says in Matthew 5:14-16,

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill can not be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good work and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven."

Like I said in the beginning, I have put God to shame, especially in a school setting. I have been embarrassed that I am the only one who appears to be "different". I'm embarrassed when I bring up God in a conversation with people, for fear of them bashing me. However, there are a lot of people you meet that are not Christians and it's very easy to copy what they do and say and how they act. I tend to fall under that category, unfortunately. I have found myself saying God's name in vain without even realizing it. I immediately confess that to God and ask fervently in prayer for forgiveness for cursing His name.

Now that I am refocusing my life, I want to try to change all of that. I want to change how I let people treat me after them knowing I'm a Christian. I want to let everyone know that I am a Child of God and not be ashamed about it. I want to be the light in this dark world.
Matthew 6:22 & 23,

"The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in your is darkness, how great is the darkness!"

My goal as a Christian is to show Jesus to others THROUGH me. I hope to be an influence to new Christians and ask older, wiser people who have known Christ for ages, how I should share Christ with people. I know that I won't always get people to Christ. It'll be hard. I know that some may grow more and more angry with me, the more I share, but I don't want to care anymore because I'm doing what the Lord has asked of me.

Jesus hears my concerns and I lift this post to Him.



XOXO

My Current Convictions

Hey everyone!

I haven't been on this blog in over a year. My life has been really busy and I also created a new blog. I just wanted to come back and reread some of the older posts that were written all the way back in 2011. I have changed a lot since then. My relationship with God has gotten stronger. I understand God more now than I did when I first started this blog. I've seen a little bit more of the adult side of life and what it means to be a Christian out in the world. I am working and going to college in the world and it's not what I expected it to be. I have had multiple chances to tell people about Christ. I have told some about Christ, but other times I have failed miserably. It is a huge struggle of mine and I am working on it!

I have been thinking about how truly blessed I am. I have been through some extremely hard things in the past year. My world has been rocked. I have done and said things that dishonored God. I have not respected or obeyed God. I have repented for it and I now KNOW and BELIEVE that I am a sinner SAVED by God's GRACE. I am FORGIVEN.

In the words of Kari Jobe's song, "Find You On My Knees"

But I will find you in the place I'm in,
Find You when I'm at my end,
Find You when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty.
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching, I will find you on my knees.

LOVE that song so much. The first time I listened to it, I couldn't stop the tears from hitting my cheeks and flowing all the way down my arms. It was one of those nights where I was crying to God literally and I just fell on my face in awe of Him. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart over the last few months and it just hit me how my sin is keeping me apart from God. I want to be His child. I want to live a life free of guilt for my sins. I want to love Jesus and proclaim Him and not be embarrassed or shy about it.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for your daily bread, I thank you for your forgiveness of my sins, for never giving up on me even when I have given up myself. Thank you for blessing my life and for allowing me to be Your Child. Please help my fire for you stay strong and let me have the DESIRE to know you and love you. Help me to cling to you when things get hard. Help me to see myself the way you see me, the person you created in your own image--not the person I have created for myself. Thank you Lord for your provision for my life. Thank you for writing the story of my life the way you have. I would not be the person I am today without all that baggage that got me here in this place. I thank you for suffering for me. I thank you so fervently for all the blessings in this life and for giving me something to look forward to when I leave this earth. Thank you, Jesus. I love you.

Amen.

God's Plan

This past week, I went to the doctors for allergy testing. I was nervous, 'cause I wasn't sure what was going to happen. At the end of the day, I was wanting to bawl my eyes out... I found out seven things that I am allergic to. Here they are: Corn, wheat, soy, carrots, garlic, oranges, and peanuts. I've called friends crying about it, because I am scared that I won't be able to do it without being driven crazy by it. My guy found out about my allergies, and he told me that he was willing to do the diet with me. That made me so happy! I know I'm not alone in several ways... I have God by my side, while I have my guy right beside me as well. I know for sure that I will be okay, but it will be hard. There's a saying out there that says: God never gives you more than you can handle. Right now, I will hold on to that and my favorite verse,

Jeremiah 29:11-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future." 

There's so many things to think about during this hard time. I know that God is with me during it, and I also have family and friends to walk me through it! :)

xoxo,
~M

Fifteen years ago today

Fifteen years ago today, my mother went to be with the Lord. I was only a fifteen month old and my little sister Lindsey was almost a month old. I don't remember my mom at all, but I wish I did. I heard about what an incredible woman she was and I wish I would've known what she was like. My dad tells me that I am like her in some ways, which makes me happy.

But, I used to be angry towards God. I didn't understand why He took her. I used to think, "How could you do this to our family?" I wanted some answers... I never got them. As I grew older, I started to realize that God took her home for a reason... I wasn't sure what that was until I was seven years old. He provided me with a new family and MANY friends, years later. I realize now that it was TOTALLY wrong for me to be angry at God. I was angry, upset, hurt, and mostly confused. I couldn't understand it at 7. At sixteen, I realize God's plan is incredible and for my own good.. So I should just TRUST Him. :)

Job 1:20- ". . .The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." 

Today, He will be PRAISED. There will probably be lots of sadness, but there will be happiness, too! She is in heaven! That is where we all want to end up. Now she no longer has to go through pain or suffering. The Lord was good with His plan... I will always remember that when something bad happens, because something good will probably come out of it in the end.

My God is SO good! :) Today, I have a smile on my face.... I'm rejoicing and praising God today for this milestone in my life... What about you? :)

Love & God Bless,

~Megan

Wisdom

Lately in my daily Bible reading, I've been looking at verses that have to do with wisdom. If there is anything that I would like to have, wisdom is it. My mom, sisters, dad, and brothers are all full of wisdom, and Godly advice. Someday, I would like to have the same amount of wisdom that they have, and give the same Godly advice that they give me. 


Some verses that have really spoken to me while I was reading this morning are these: 


Psalm 111:10- "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!"


Proverbs 2:6- "For the Lord gives wisdom; from the mouth comes knowledge and understanding. . . ."


Proverbs 9:10- "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is insight." 


Proverbs 31:26- "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." 


"WOW!" was my expression while reading this verses. I realize that I need to take these verses to heart, and hide them in my heart! They are so full of truth, and I think that they will help me all throughout my life. I want to be a very wise person, and help lead people to righteousness. I am a sinner and I will make mistakes, so I won't be perfect and I won't be righteous a lot of the time. But I want to strive to be as close to it that I can get. 


The Lord has been showing himself to me a lot lately through the Bible, and I've been spending a lot of my time in the Word, especially in the New Testament. It's packed full of such amazing verses and Godly advice. I realize that through God, my parents are wise. God showed them ways to encourage my sister and I in righteousness, and use those principles from the Bible to get through to us. 


Another verse that has really hit home for me that has really encouraged me is this: 


Psalm 19:20- "Listen to advice and accept instruction, so that you might gain wisdom in the future." 


This past week I've been struggling with studying for my four exams in class this coming Monday. I have felt totally discouraged and convicted, especially with the instruction my parents were giving me. But after that, I read this verse over and over, and I realized that I just need to listen to their advice and accept their instruction, so that I might gain wisdom in the future. I felt a little bit better after reading that verse, and I have continually tried to just listen, instead of insisting of my own way. 


I have been taught a lot this week through many verses, especially the ones all throughout this post... I have to have encouraged or have taught someone something this week :)


Love & God Bless,

Psalm 139

Psalm 139 is one of my absolute favorite passages.. It's amazing and I would love to be able to memorize the whole thing! It's one of those passages that really speak to me. So, I hope YOU enjoy it as well :) 
Love & God Bless!<3

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
² You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
³ You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
⁵ You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

⁷ Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
     If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
¹² even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

¹³ For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.

¹⁹ Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
    O men of blood, depart from me!
²⁰ They speak against you with malicious intent;
    your enemies take your name in vain.^[b]
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
    And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
²² I hate them with complete hatred;
    I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart!
     Try me and know my thoughts!^[c]
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!^[d]

BARAKEL :-)

3 more days.... until I get to go to my FAVORITE camp in the entire world! I'm ever so excited, especially going in the Winter... with some of my best friends! It'll be a great weekend to have some fun, fellowship with other youth groups, Chapels in the morning & evening, late night talks with my girls, and the ENDLESS amounts of hot chocolate or coffee I'll need this entire weekend. :)


I love Barakel so much, and it is my place of quiet and stillness... somewhere I know that I can't be distracted because of Facebook, texting, etc. It's my place to hide from the world (or just people), to journal my thoughts to God, to read through my Bible while looking out at the nature that He created... It's amazing, and absolutely breathtaking! 


This picture is amazing... I absolutely love it. It's a picture that kind of portrays my mornings here at my house, every day. I hope to be able to do this every morning of this weekend, and not have distractions that keep me from reading God's Word each day. Some days I just don't want to read it and I feel absolutely terrible and guilty about that, but I know I need to... God's Word will help me to start my day right! I've had that mindset for half a year and hope that my motivation will always stay the same and get stronger... To encourage myself to read His Word, even when I don't want to get up early and do it... It's good for me!


I hope to get encouraged more this weekend and to memorize lots of Scripture passages... And that through the speaker we have this weekend, I will have a boat load of things to think about! God knows what He wants the speaker to say to all of us teens and I can't wait to see what's going to happen! :) 


Here's an awesome Scripture passage: 


Ephesians 6:10-20, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that endkeep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which Iam an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak."


Love & God Bless, 


~Megan

My Past Vs. Now

Since October 2010, I've been a slightly different person. That year wasn't great for me and did a lot of things that I really look back on now and think, "How could I have done something SO ridiculous?!" So, I wanted to be different, and show people that I was different. I decided to start reading my Bible more. 


Around New Years Eve in 2010 almost 2011, I made New Year's Resolutions to be FEARLESS, POSITIVE, and to read my Bible more. That entire year, I tried working at being a better Christian. I accomplished my goals because my family and friends told me how much I inspired them to read the Bible more, and that they noticed a change in me. I can't explain how amazing that made me feel! It was a drastic change, a 360 degree turn in my life... And it was all because of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!!! 


Ever since that drastic change, I've been the HAPPIEST in my life. I realized that when I was pushing God away, He would hold on to me even tighter! Also, that He had a plan for everything that happened in my life. I regret the months in 2010 that went by and was questioning whether or not God really existed, or if He was the Lord of my life. He did have a plan for me to have a hard time in life and to get through/learn from my mistakes, and I did. I pulled through, and now, I look to Christ! I still have my ups & downs with my family and friends, but... through Christ I learn from my mistakes! It's amazing what Christ can do!


The night of October 9, 2011, something inside me just made me feel like I needed to read my Bible the whole way through. I felt that if I did, it would help me with a lot more things in life. And, it has! I have SUCCESSFULLY gotten through the entire New Testament, and my dedication has definitely helped with that. Without Christ nudging me to do it or my dedication to do it, I wouldn't have gotten through it. Christ has made me a different person, and I am SO thankful for that. 


One of  my good friends (who will remain anonymous) once wrote a status that has stuck with me: "Don't ask God why he did something... Ask Him, "What are you trying to teach me through this?" Since then, I've been asking God that when hardships come. I REALLY like that quote! It's amazing, and something that is so true. <3


God is so amazing and faithful, and He has His way of doing things... I may not know what He will do in my life, but I do know that He has a plan... A wonderful, perfect plan!


Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plan to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future."


Romans 1:16-"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes. . . ."


1 John 1: 7-10- "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us."


Ephesians 4:22-24- "to put off your old self,^[f] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."


I absolutely *LOVE* reading Scripture, since I started reading it more and more. Although, memorizing Scripture is my weak spot, I hope to learn some more verses to add to my long list of "favorites". :)


I hope you enjoyed reading this, and some of my favorite verses!


Love & God Bless,


~Megan

Forgiveness and Sins

Have you ever felt like you screwed up really bad? I can for sure say that I have. In fact, more than a handful of times have I felt that way in my life! I think, "Now, WHY did I do that? That was really stupid of me." The thought of what I have done in the past has never actually gone away, and it'll be stuck in my mind forever, regardless of how many times I try to push it away. And the question is.... "WHY does it never go away?" "WHY does it have to stay in my mind forever, and sometimes haunt me?!" Well, because, it's something we've done, that's wrong, and we feel guilty about it, and that something will come out of it in the end, even if we think we're just going to live in misery for the rest of our lives.. Instead of asking, "Why?" I just try to ask God, "What are you trying to teach me through this?!" God has a plan that will come out of that bad decision... He always does that for me, and then my eyes are completely opened! 


You see, GOD forgives us! He throws away our sins in the deepest part of the sea, and spreads them as far as the east is to the west! How incredible is that?!


Colossians 3:12-14, 
"Put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive; And above all these things, put on love, which binds everything in perfect harmony." 


Psalm 103:8-13,“The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide,  nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.”


He died for our sins, threw them away, and he doesn't bring them back up again. The only person that does that is ourselves, and even Satan will do that. But, God does NOT hold our sin against us! Satan does it to make us feel absolutely horrible, and guilty, and never lets us forget it! But, even if we think about how awful of a person we are, and how awful our sin is, God has already forgiven it... That's the reason he was nailed to the cross! How amazing is that?! That God sent his only son to live on this earth, to die and have forgiven every one of our sins. I think that is *SO* incredible! Yet, even for the incredible things God has done for us, we still disobey him, and we still disappoint him. We are sinners, and always will be, but that doesn't give us an excuse. We are responsible for every sin we commit, and sometimes... we just don't care about if we're hurting God or not, just because we are stubborn. 


I know for a fact that I want to do God's will, and that I love him, and wish I could do things for him. But, it's not easy admitting that I'm a terrible sinner, and hurt God every single day with my actions. I am very stubborn sometimes, and just want to do what I want, and that gets me into trouble. I don't try to be that way, but I do have that nature inside of me when I get angry, upset, confused, hurt, and any other kinds of emotions to do whatever my emotion is.

After I sin, I just try to be alone for as long as I need. I can't ask God to forgive me if I'm around people, especially the people I have done wrong to. I try to take a walk, and just be with God, or read my Bible, and write out my frustrations, and then pray, multiple times. Then after I sin, there comes the hardest part of sinning.... To ask the person you love for... forgiveness! That is the hardest part for me to do, and I often can't say what I need to say without breaking down. It's very hard for me to ask for forgiveness because I know that this person was mad at me, and they are probably still angry, and aren't in the mood for talking and being asked for forgiveness. But, I do it, anyway. I feel so good about it in the end! 


A lot of the time, my parents come to me first, before I come to them. Which, on my part, is easier, because I automatically just forgive them. Even sometimes, I fall into their arms and cry, and ask for forgiveness for my wrongdoing! It's not as hard doing it when the other person comes to you first... but, I do have to say, it is still very hard! 


It's a lot easier to get it out, then bottling it up, while it's eating you alive inside. I have had several of these times, when I just can't sleep when sin or someone else's sin is eating me alive because I won't tell anyone. I have broken a friendship before because I kept it bottled up inside me, and it would bother me, so I told my parents about that sin. The person found out, and they lost all their friends that we were both connected with. I felt horrible for doing that to her, but I knew I did the right thing. We eventually talked again, and she forgave me, but I will always feel the brokenness between us.

Always remember that God forgives you! He loves you SO much! Just remember the reason that he died on the cross.... it was for you... and your sin. Regardless of how bad your sin was, he still died for it! He still suffered for that sin that you committed. Whether you're an adulterer, a covetous, a blasphemer, a liar, a cheater, a non-Believer, etc. He will always have suffered for you. He loves us all THAT much! He really does... Even if you think you're terrible and that no one could love you after the sin you committed. But, God does..and he always will! 


I hope you enjoyed reading this and that I have encouraged you, because I enjoyed telling you about my struggles, and what I've learned from it! :-)


God Bless,
~Megan

Being God's girl(:

Lately, I've been thinking about the person that I am. Questions have been flowing in and out of my head, "Why am I the person that I am?" "Why did I do the things I did back then, and why did it change what I do now?" Just questions that a teenager might ask themselves. The reason I ask myself those questions is because... I'm a completely different person than I used to be. I've changed, and beforehand, I made really bad decisions. I wanted to do what I wanted, and I didn't necessarily care about what certain people had to say. Now, all I can say now, is that that was completely stupid of me, and that I should have listened. I lost trust, I lost my privileges, and I lost my best friend. 

Now that I've changed, I look back at what I did, and I think, "Well, if I had not done what I did then, I wouldn't be the person that I am today." I still get discouraged sometimes, and I wish I hadn't done those awful things... But, if I never would've gone through those years of hard times, trials, tribulations, hurt, confusion, etc... Then I never would have changed who I was, and I'd be that same stubborn, naive teenager. By the help of God and some unnamed people, I changed. I did a complete 360 degree turn! But, not only did I change, I began to gain trust back. It took me months to build it back up again. To this day, I'm STILL trying to build it up! Not because I lost it again, but because I want as much trust as I can get from my parents and friends.

At the start of 2011, I made a vow that I'm going to be *FEARLESS* and *NEGATIVELESS* and that I'm going to follow God in ALL my ways! Being fearless was to play the guitar and sing in front of my friends.. Being *negativeless* was to be positive in life and KNOW that God has a plan for my life, and that he has it in his hands! I did... BOTH! :) This year has been the BEST year that I've ever lived!! I couldn't be happier with my ways this year. Although, I'm not perfect, and I NEVER will be, I have made at least some Christ-like choices. :) I'm still a sinner and I always will be, but one thing I do know is that I Love God, and he loves me right back! He died for me and my awful sins. He knew they would happen way before they even happened! When they happened, I got down on my knees, asking for mercy, asking for forgiveness! 

When I sin, I need alone time with God, so that I can ask him to forgive me, and read my Bible to help me be better about trying to avoid temptation. I'll always be tempted and always want to sin, but I know that every time I get on my knees and beg for forgiveness, that God separates my sins as far as east is to the west, and that he is very forgiving!

Psalm 103:12-
"as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

God is amazing, and I love him so much! He has changed me in so many ways, and I'm so glad that he made me the person that I am! I've never really liked the way that I was before, but I wouldn't be the person I am today! I thank God for my flaws and imperfections, and for correcting the ways I've lived. I will always have troubles, trials, and tribulations, but I also will have lessons to learn! 

Something I hope that I NEVER forget is that Jesus LOVES me, and that:

and that EVERYONE has trouble sometimes with doubt, fear, hurt, and confusion! All Christians will have those troubles while we'll live on this earth! But, God can do anything and everything to fix it. He has a plan for us!!


Jeremiah 29:11-
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." 


I'm *GOD'S* little girl... and that will *NEVER* change! 


I hope you enjoy reading this post, because I thoroughly enjoyed writing it!! :)

God Bless,

~Megan