My Current Convictions

Hey everyone!

I haven't been on this blog in over a year. My life has been really busy and I also created a new blog. I just wanted to come back and reread some of the older posts that were written all the way back in 2011. I have changed a lot since then. My relationship with God has gotten stronger. I understand God more now than I did when I first started this blog. I've seen a little bit more of the adult side of life and what it means to be a Christian out in the world. I am working and going to college in the world and it's not what I expected it to be. I have had multiple chances to tell people about Christ. I have told some about Christ, but other times I have failed miserably. It is a huge struggle of mine and I am working on it!

I have been thinking about how truly blessed I am. I have been through some extremely hard things in the past year. My world has been rocked. I have done and said things that dishonored God. I have not respected or obeyed God. I have repented for it and I now KNOW and BELIEVE that I am a sinner SAVED by God's GRACE. I am FORGIVEN.

In the words of Kari Jobe's song, "Find You On My Knees"

But I will find you in the place I'm in,
Find You when I'm at my end,
Find You when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty.
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching, I will find you on my knees.

LOVE that song so much. The first time I listened to it, I couldn't stop the tears from hitting my cheeks and flowing all the way down my arms. It was one of those nights where I was crying to God literally and I just fell on my face in awe of Him. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart over the last few months and it just hit me how my sin is keeping me apart from God. I want to be His child. I want to live a life free of guilt for my sins. I want to love Jesus and proclaim Him and not be embarrassed or shy about it.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for your daily bread, I thank you for your forgiveness of my sins, for never giving up on me even when I have given up myself. Thank you for blessing my life and for allowing me to be Your Child. Please help my fire for you stay strong and let me have the DESIRE to know you and love you. Help me to cling to you when things get hard. Help me to see myself the way you see me, the person you created in your own image--not the person I have created for myself. Thank you Lord for your provision for my life. Thank you for writing the story of my life the way you have. I would not be the person I am today without all that baggage that got me here in this place. I thank you for suffering for me. I thank you so fervently for all the blessings in this life and for giving me something to look forward to when I leave this earth. Thank you, Jesus. I love you.

Amen.