Ramblings of a 20-year-old

Writing used to come so easily for me back then. By back then, I mean high school. I used to write constantly. I always had something in my life that I wanted to write about. It's harder for me to write these days. My life is different now. I mostly just sit at my computer and stare at the blank page. The cursor is blinking and waiting for me to type something out. “Ugh,” I think. When you think you have inspiration inside that little brain of yours and the minute you sit down, everything goes blank. That’s me today. That’s been me for a year. I know it’s partly from it being an intense and crazy year. There’s almost too much I could write about, but none of it makes sense to actually put into words. A play? A book? A script? I want to try my hand at all of those things. For now, I'll settle for the blog. 

The topic of this post is just the ramblings of a 20 year old girl who's hopped up on little sleep, a gallon of coffee pulsing through my veins, and the endless hours of music through my earbuds. This is my own perfect little world and I love it. I currently really love my life. Flashback to a year and four months ago.... I hated my life. A "tragedy" struck me like lightning. I lost my first love. It has taken me an unbelievable amount of time to get over it and become friends with him once again. Some people might call me an idiot for doing so. But I always wanted to be friends with him again, whether or not he had a girlfriend. I just always wanted to be on good terms. He was my best friend....and boyfriend for a season. We had a good run and it's been time to move on. So I am finally there. Besides, I couldn't be happier for him. He seems to really be happy and that's good. That's what I always wanted. Plus, I'm happy, too. I've never been happier being single. I can make plans for what I want to do with my life. I spent 18 years of my life wanting to be older and get married, but that ship has sailed. I don't really want to touch marriage or kids with a ten foot pole. 

My biggest goal for my 20's, since I actually have about 9 more of those, is to take a U.S. road trip and someday, make it all the way to Europe. I have always wanted to go there since I saw "The Lizzie McGuire Movie"at 7 years old. I'm a girl who loves to actually travel, contrary to popular belief. One summer my family went to Disney World. I complained for the entire week about the walking and being in the sun. Granted, that was 8 years ago. I'm different now. At least, I'm pretty sure I'm different. I'm used to being on my feet for long periods of time now because of work, thank the Lord in heaven above, and what better way to spend your time than looking up at all the beautiful scenery that is in Europe? The only things I've seen are pictures... but pictures never do that place justice. 

I've always wanted to have a sense of adventure, since that is directly out of my comfort zone. But instead I spent most of my summer this year inside, in the air conditioning, instead of being outside in the 90 degree weather. Every single summer that passes makes me think about the year before and what I didn't do. I always change it for the next year, but I end up doing the same old thing. I even toyed with the idea of moving out of state, of course, staying with the company I currently work for. That is a sense of adventure I'd like to grab hold of. I know a lot of people that would shut this idea down almost immediately, but a girl can dream, right? Right.