The Last Seven Years

I was browsing through my blog tonight and I realized that I started this blog seven years ago, in my sophomore year of high school! SEVEN. I look back and I think, "Where has the time gone?!" I honestly can't believe it was that long ago. So you might ask, what does seven years have to do with this? Well, I was a totally different person back then. I'm not the same naive, drama queen I used to be. I have a thicker skin than I used to and I don't cry near as often. This is HUUUUUGE milestone, believe me.

I'm a much stronger woman. I don't allow people to walk all over me as much anymore and I say what I have to, to defend myself. I cut people out of my life that I felt needed to be cut. It was hard and I've had to burn a lot of bridges, but it was what I needed to do. I've also gotten my heart broken a few times. I went through a really tough season (spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally) there for a while....but I learned so much from it. I never realized how much power I actually had until I decided for myself  that I wanted to leave that entire lifestyle behind. I didn't want people talking in my ear telling me to stop, I wanted to do it of my own volition. That's when I realized how far I've really come over the last several years.

While I have gotten stronger in many areas, I still have one area that needs improvement. MONEY.  I spend a lot more money on food than any person should. My savings account is a lot smaller than it should be and my credit card bill is always high. What's funny to me is that I used to be very good at saving my money. I'm not sure what events transpired that made me change that, but I started getting the desire to be tan, have manicured nails every two weeks, blonde, and pay for designer brand clothing. They were just "wants" because I was depressed and wanted to fill the God-filled hole in my heart with trivial things, not God. To this day, I'm still learning to do this and I've improved immensely. However, I hope in seven years that I have broken this cycle and learn to become the adult that I need to be.

I realize that this is probably a very scatter-brained post and I'm sorry for that (It's 5:45 in the morning, so cut me some slack), but I wanted to get my thoughts out. I really wanted to write about how much I've changed in seven years. Seven years is a LONG time for growth. Especially if seven years ago, you were fifteen years old and didn't know what the heck you were doing with your life. I've made a lot of mistakes in seven years, half of which were my own fault and could've been avoided. But if I hadn't done what I did in the last seven years, I wouldn't have grown in the areas that I did. I wouldn't have excelled or improved at all. I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I'm excited to keep improving.

My Fitness Journey

Hi there, welcome to my blog! I haven't written in a while, but since I'm back I thought I would write about something I've been growing a passion for: fitness. For the past two years, I've made a New Years Resolution to get my health back on track. My fitness journey never truly became important to me until this year, because this is the heaviest I've ever been (more on that later). Looking at myself in the mirror and hating what I looked like was the biggest motivator for me to make a change.

My entire life I was relatively healthy. What I mean by healthy is that I rarely got sick, never was overweight, or had serious health problems. That changed in 2015. I went to two extremes where I either ate a lot or didn't eat at all. I gained a lot of weight. Fast food was my go-to food of choice (shudders). I never learned how to cook while living at home with my parents. I never had a fitness regimen because I didn't think it was important. The weight gain was short lived and lost all of it and more, but still didn't change my ways. After about a year, I moved to a new apartment and slowly noticed my weight gain again. This time, I gained over 60 pounds.

I was the most overweight than I had ever been. I was the most unhealthy I had ever been. I had been dealing with a lot more on my plate than I had the last time but about the same on the depression level. Food was my coping mechanism, so I continued to eat all the time and never stopped. There were times that I wanted to change and lose my weight, but I didn't want it bad enough. I moved back home and started living with my parents again. I started to lose weight (because I had to) and cared more about what I was eating. It was a big change, but a big change that I really needed!

Despite all the pain, stress, depression, coping I went through, I realized that this is a lifestyle change. A lifestyle of fitness is all about balance. It's not something you start and then quit when things don't pan out the way you expect. You just keep going. You can still eat the foods you enjoy, but in moderation. You can eat pizza. You can eat ice cream. You can eat popcorn. You can eat whatever you want. You don't need to restrict yourself from certain foods to see results. However, it's very essential to keep a consistent fitness and diet plan, but one that that you can tweak to fit your life and your needs. It's something you should love doing, not dread. It's a process. You won't see results in the first week. I sure didn't. It has taken me forever to get to this place, and I wouldn't change a thing.

I love who I am now. I know that I have a long way to achieve my ultimate goals, but I'm excited to go through the process. I'm learning to cook my own meals now. I'm constantly trying to do something out of my comfort zone. I allow myself to make mistakes because I'm a human. If I cheat on a meal, I do better for the next one. I tweak what I need to based on my mental, emotional, and physical health. I care very much about my body and who I am. I care very much about my health and what I look like.