GROWTH

I started this post on September 28, 2019. I had been "out of the woods" for a while when I wrote it, but I never finalized and posted it. I didn't feel like it was good enough and I didn't know what I really wanted to say or get out of it, so I let it sit in the draft box for almost a year.. But today, is the day that I am finally ready to press, "Publish". And here's why... 

GROWTH. It's my word this year. I use it so frequently because this is the first year of my life that I feel I have made a conscious effort to change my life in various ways. It's amazing how much I feel like I've grown up in three years. Pictures come up on facebook memories of the last three years and it's amazing how differently I feel when I see them. At the time of posting them, I was in a horrible place in my life. My spiritual life was virtually non-existent and I didn't care. My weight was starting to pack on and I felt I was worth nothing. Through those trying times, I learned a lot of lessons. . . . lessons I would not have learned had I not gone through them. Looking back I realize that I had to go through those things to see how valuable my life is and how I can use it further to give God the glory.

I have been at the same department store for almost four years now and there has been so much growth in my work ethic (See, there's that word growth again). I think I work really hard, even on the days that I would rather slump off and just do nothing. Third shift is not a shift I desire to work anymore because it's emotionally and physically taxing, but it also really messes with your sleep schedule. However, it is currently where God has me and I'm going to continue to stay put until I'm led in a different direction.

I also am working towards a degree in Criminal Justice because I see a need to help people who did not have the same lifestyle that I grew up in and I believe I can make a difference in these people's lives. I'm not sure what actual department I'm going to end up in but my end goal is to have an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice. Where my life will go after that will be left up to God. I'm so close, I can taste it. The end of all my struggles, the HARD, sweat-and-tears inducing work. I have worked my butt off to get my grades and I am PROUD of them! I am so excited that in two semesters, I will finally have my Associate's Degree in my hands. I will get to feel the same thrill of nervousness and excitement that my other family members felt when they accomplished something HUGE! 

My desires and wants for my life have changed in three years and that's why I honestly think growth is such a good word to use to describe my life. I continually look back at all the progress I've made and I look back and see how much joy I'm filled with now then I was 3 years ago. What I went through was hard. It broke me. I shattered all my own hopes and dreams. I left myself unable to feel hope. I never thought I would ever get out of the hole I was in. But, I did. Finally! I'm so much freer... I feel a sense of peace I didn't have before. 

However, I think the biggest change I've made this year is my mindset. I think anyone close to me would be able to tell you that if you asked them. My biggest setback in the last few years has been my mindset on certain issues: how I view food and my relationship with food, how I view myself, how others view me, what others think about me, etc. A recent development on this is reading the book, "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck, PhD. I'm only in chapter four of the book, but it has already changed my life! It never occurred to me that my mindset was what needed to change until I opened this book. It was a huge slap in the face. For years, I had been told some of these same words by the people in my life at that point in time and I never listened. The second I opened up the book I recognized it and the lightbulb in my mind went off. Now, every day I try to be mindful of how my mindset affects others, and I realized how a negative mindset can make a person feel.